Public shaming for men behaving badly in Turkey

A reality TV show is introducing Turkish viewers to a new concept: that of the loving husband.

There are many ways to get a Turkish man to show his love for his wife.

You can force him to stand in Istanbul's Taksim Square with a sign saying: "I cheated and I'm sorry." You can make him declare his love for his wife through a megaphone, on a boat, in front of a packed yacht harbour. Or you can simply make him get on his knees and say: "Honey, I love you."

All three cases were recorded by four TV cameras and broadcast to millions of Turkish viewers, enabling them to witness at first hand what a good Turkish husband looks like.

Extreme make-over

Kocam size emanet is the name of the latest reality show on the Turkish TV station Kanal D. The title translates to: my husband is in your hands. Every week six men are subjected to a five-day crash course intended to save their wobbly marriages.

"We hardly ever talked," admitted Yildirim Batur, a private driver. "I would come home, sit on the couch until dinner was ready and then head off to the cafe."

Batur was given exactly five days to get in touch with his feminine side. He learnt how to iron, make his own dinner, do the dishes and clean the floors. He shaved his back and chest and started eating salads. He taught himself how to dance salsa and tango, using a yellow mop as an imaginary dance partner.

In short, he learnt how to take better care of himself and, in the process, of his wife.

Above all, the programme teaches the Turkish man not to take himself so seriously. And that's entirely new ground, according to the show's makers.

"We could never have made this programme ten years ago," says Deniz Adanali, a female instructor on the show whose job it is to teach the candidates social skills.

"The average Turkish man is generally pretty pleased with himself. He sees himself as a bit of an emperor. Turkish moms raise their sons like pashas. At school, and later in the army, they are taught discipline. So by the time they get married they have no idea how to deal with a woman, except to boss her around. The wife is nothing but a piece of furniture."

Domestic abuse

Lately, the Turkish newspapers have been full of the excesses of this macho culture. The European human rights court last week fined Turkey because the state had neglected to protect a woman against persistent domestic abuse.

Despite the fact that the woman was severely abused by her husband over a ten-year period and almost stabbed to death, no judicial action was taken. In 2005, the husband murdered the woman's mother after he had accused her of inciting his wife to immoral behaviour.

Based on testimonies given by victims who are not afraid to press charges, Turkish women's rights organisations say at least 40 percent of Turkish women have suffered some form of domestic abuse, but that figure may be a lot higher because many women never file a complaint.

The Turkish parliament adopted new legislation in 1998, 2001 and 2004 to curb domestic abuse. Honour killings now carry a lifelong prison sentence. The changes were part of the demands for Turkey's entry in the European Union.

But human rights activists have held press conferences saying that changing the law is not enough to change Turkey. Policemen refuse to apply the new laws "because they are men themselves and products of the macho culture", lawyer Pina Ikaaracan, said the day after the ruling by the European court.

Ikaaracan: "Under this government, conservatism is on the rise again, and if anything, traditional relations between men and women have been perpetuated. Just look at how our government has responded to the European ruling: rather than accepting it, it is appealing the decision."

Sentenced to love

But life in Turkey is not ruled by politicians alone; the dozens of TV stations in the country have an influence too.

This week, a Turkish judge apparently took the lessons of Kocam size emanet to heart when he sentenced an aggressive husband to a six-month sentence of "compulsory, loving behaviour towards his wife and children." The man is now required by court order to help with the household, improve his own personal hygiene and quit smoking indoors.

Another judge told an aggressive husband to wear a sign that said: "I hit my wife and I offer her and the entire village my apologies".

But the programme's makers realise all too well that it will take more than reality TV to rid Turkey of its macho culture and keep its women safe.

"We can't change the world in five days," says Adanali. She blames domestic violence on poverty and the militarisation of Turkish society.

All they can hope for is high ratings, lots of giggling in living rooms around the country, and perhaps an occasional Turkish man who takes a second look at himself after seeing the programme.

"We are not just teaching these men, and the audience, what they're doing wrong at home; we also point out what they're not doing and what they could be doing," says Adanali. "Our message is: there is another way."